“You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead he gave up his divine privileges he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. Philippians 2:5-7
My “why me” statement sound more like “Why don’t I matter?”, “Why don’t I get to have dreams?”, and “What about me?”. Now I have to consider the struggles I go through in terms of “What am I supposed to learn that will bring me closer to God ?” or “Why has God brought me to this place?” What does this say to me now? Well for one maybe I shouldn’t be so self focused. Maybe I should look beyond myself. Look past my own nose so to speak. Actually, I like those questions much better. They appear to have a better chance of being answered than my original questions.
So what is God trying to teach me in my own circumstances. Maybe he’s just trying to get me to trust him with the way he has set this world up.
When I was younger I trusted my dad completely. To me he was a good man a good Christian man who worshiped God and knew what the bible stated. However, as I got older I realized that he was not very trustworthy. Actually he probably committed one of the worst acts to remove all my trust for everything he has ever taught me. While on the surface I still acted as if I trusted God. I don’t trust him. Simply because the one who led me to him wasn’t trustworthy. he proved that. If he couldn’t be trusted then how can a God who gave him authority over me and my family. My father was abusive. Not physically, To my mother he was emotionally abusive. To my sisters and I he was equally emotionally abusive. However to my oldest sister he was also sexually abusive. When I found that out I was completely devastated. Especially when I realized that at the time he was abusing my sister he specifically told me to watch out for her and make sure these boys who were hanging around her didn’t try to take advantage of her. All the while he was taking advantage of her. Did he really care about her safety, her virtue or her purity? Or was he just a jealous man who didn’t want another man to have what he thought he was entitled to.
While all that who can you really trust and as a woman who must then submit to some man by Gods laws can I truly trust God? I don’t know. Because in the end God may have good intentions. His plan may be perfect but in an imperfect world those plans do not always hash out that perfect. Most of the men I have encountered either personally or even through internet interactions. Not necessarily dating sights but by reading comments section of stories and other social media outlets. Most of it just proves that men cannot be trusted to be in control of women. They like to point out womens flaws much like Adam did while never accepting any responsibility of their own. I hear them call women evil. Have the truly forgotten all the evil things men have caused. A multitude of evil. Yet it is we women who are evil not those men. Why would I ever want to submit to that? They see us as weak, incompetent, inferior and they love the verse about “women having to submit to them.” It defines their very existence. In the end I don’t think women nor men have any clue as to what it means for women to submit. Since men think it means men can dominate and control women. What are women left to believe. I hear all the time how men say. “I am the man I make the decisions you just follow my rules” The problem with the rule maker is that they seldom feel they have to follow those rules themselves. Just look at the federal government. They often pass laws and they put exceptions in every single one of them to make sure that they do not pertain to them as well. ie the Healthcare law. Why is it they do not have to take that insurance as well? it is just so irritating.
This weekend, I came across a sermon about marriage and fornication. The preacher was talking about couples who fornicated with one another prior to marriage. For the first time in my life he blamed the men. He told men if they hadn’t talked their wives into sleeping with them or if they had not slept with their wives prior to marriage then their wives would respect them. Instead most are ashamed of themselves and feel guilty and at the same time don’t trust their husbands because of this. It has always been my thought that if a man was a good Christian man he would not even require a woman to sleep with him prior to marriage. It would be a non issue because he would have chosen to abstain from sex until after marriage. That is not how this world work and it isn’t how it has ever worked. Instead we have adopted this view somewhere in the past that it was the woman’s job to keep the boundaries in the marriage. Therefor giving women the control. Then we get married and women are denied control. Supposed to submit to these men who did not want to be responsible before. If men are supposed to be the leaders then they should have taken responsibility before the marriage by not leading women into sin. Respecting her enough to not make her the bad guy no matter what decision she has made. Since she is the one who is looked down on in these situations. This is why abortion is legal. Because it is more of a shame to become pregnant than it is to commit the sin to begin with. With situations like this it is equally both parties responsibility and both parties mistake. One shouldn’t be given more shame than the other. It takes two to tango yet in our society its been seen as only one of their failures. This causes me to not trust men or want to submit to their authority either.
I am not trying to solely blame men because I know we woman have had our part in this fact. I just do not feel like I can trust some man enough to submit to him when I know he will more than likely find a way to manipulate those rules in his favor. Its just in their nature. Even when its not their rules they still find a way to make them not pertain to they themselves. You rarely hear churches tell men to remain pure until marriage so he does not ruin some woman.
Lord easy my anxiety on this issue. Even if I never get married and that is not in your plans for me I would not want to be one of those friends who poisoned another friend or family member against their spouse based on my own feelings. I want marriage to work and I want marriages to be happy and within your will and sometimes I think I could be a poison to one of those relationships.