Outsider

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I had a dream once that I was at a get together with several people.  Some I knew others I didn’t know.  I somehow become a prisoner within a clear box.  I could still see everything that was going on around me but I couldn’t leave the place where I stood. Most people didn’t notice me standing there.  Some seemed to look in my direction from time to time but never really budged to come see me or help  me out of this box.  Its as if they didn’t see the box I was in or maybe just didn’t see me. I spent alot of time trying to come up with a way to escape this box but nothing I did would release me.  I screamed for help but no one heard my screams or came to help me out of the box.  I just didn’t know what I was going to do and what had caused me to get in this box.  I finally realized the reason I was in the box was because I had placed myself there through my own anxiety and inability and unwillingness to get out of my comfort zone.

I often feel like this. I can see my future. I am that crazy cat lady who lives in the superb that all the kids fear.  The crazy cat lady who has no cats. I currently am looking for employment and cannot find any jobs.  Each day I search for jobs but there isn’t much out there.  I do believe I have applied to all that I have seen.  I feel myself getting more and more anxious each and every single day. I get out less and less.  It is getting to where I feel anxious when I am out of my little room in my apartment.  I am anxious at the thought of leaving this room.  I know that with each passing day I am becoming a hermit.  This is my fear most days.  I know this isn’t in Gods plans for me but I don’t know his plans and I feel stuck waiting on hearing him each day.

Currently I am doing an online bible study with Proverbs 31.  We are studying the bible while reading through Lysa Terkeursts “What Happens When Women Say Yes To God”.  Actually this is the final week.  One thing that stuck out to me was the story about Genia.  She talks about how this sister in Christ told her about a how she was going through a tough spot in her life.  Through Genia telling this story Lysa was reminded of a song on a CD she had been listening to and she let Genia listen to the song.  God then placed on Lysa’s heart that she should give this CD to Genia.  Prior to this Genia was approached by a woman she didn’t even know who wanted to pray for her and told her God would give her a song.  Why is it none of this has ever happened to me.  I would love for God to speak to me and for others to tell me that I am on his heart like these women showed Genia.

Another story she tells is about a couple named Dane and Kema.  They were living the American Dream only to have God tell them to give more to God.  They are planning on building a home and then God directs them to give the money for the home to the church. Later God leads them into a mission trip for four years to Papua New Guinea.  They had their hearts set on fire for Gods work and they followed him with no shame.  I want that for my life.  Really Lysa’s entire book especially Chapter 8 follow the Early Christians principals.  If you read Acts 4:32-35 you see this exhibited.  “All the believers were one in heart and mind.  No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own but they shared everything they had.  With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus.  And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them.  For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles feet and it was distributed to anyone who had need.   I read this while doing a daily bible study on a bible app I have called Faithlife. It is a study bible app.  It has many things I like including the daily bible studies.  This one was from September 4 of this year entitled Utopian Truth for Today.  This passage truly encompasses Chapter 8 of Lysa’s book.  Chapter 8 is as you know entitled “Giving Up What Was Never Ours”.  Isn’t that how the passage describes the early Christians?  It said that “None of them claimed their possessions as their own but shared everything”.  If you go back earlier in the book all the way back to Chapter 2 with the five questions Lysa gives to show we are in fact hearing from God.  We are called to say Yes to God.

Does what I’m hearing line up with Scripture? Of course Acts 4:32-34 shows this.

Is it Consistent with God’s Character?  Yes his own son didn’t even view his own life as his own.  Instead he gave his life to fulfill Gods plan.

Is it being confirmed through messages I’m hearing at church or hearing through my quiet time?  Well in my case yes Both through studying this book as well as a separate study I have been doing.

Is it beyond me?  Yes and No.  It is beyond what I am comfortable with and yet it is not what I can do with God walking with me.

Would it please God?  Well  if it didn’t would he have asked me to do so in the first place.

Now I haven’t heard God tell me to give up all my possessions or any of my possessions as this time.  I haven’t yet heard him tell me to do something directly  as he did with Lysa with the CD or the Bible.  But he is leading me to get further into his word and to trust him in with all that is going on in my life at this time.  So for now that is what I am saying yes to God.

Both Lysa and Melissa gave us a 30 day challenge us to  pray and ask God to reveal Himself to us and fill us with a desire for Him like never before.  I want to live a Radically Obedient life yet I feel as if the most radical thing I would ever do is just exist in this world.  So I will take on this challenge.  Here is my prayer.

Lord, Please show me you are there.  Show me your love for me each day.  I want to know you and feel your presence.  I want to hear that still small voice talking to me, guiding me in your ways.  I want to be a Radical follower of you.  I want to be a fisher of men.  You know my heart and you see my pain and you know where you want me Lord.  Help me to see your will for me.  Fill me with a desire that is undeniable.  A desire to spread your word and do good in the world for you.  Give me the strength and courage to leave my walls before the close in on me.  Before they hold me hostage. Help me to get out of my comfort zone and to be in the world while not being of the world.  My comfort zone is being in my own home in my own room.  Not even out in the outer rooms of this apartment.  No one is going to hurt me because you are my protection. I want to walk with you each day.  I want it to be as if you and I are in the same place walking and talking just as you did with the disciples.  I love you Lord and I know you love me show me why I haven’t had a close relationship with you and help me to return to you, get in your word and speak with you often.

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30 Comments

Filed under Yes To God

30 responses to “Outsider

  1. Thank you for sharing your prayer with us. I can echo so much of it. I trust and pray that you will have a real and strong breakthrough in your relationship with the Lord.

    • Thank you Amanda. I really appreciate that very much. Where are you from. I looked at you blog and it is in another language but I am not familiar with languages enough to know one from the other. It reminds me of German which was where I was born. I didn’t live their long enough to learn the language fluently though.

      • I am from South Africa, and the language on my blog is Afrikaans. It resembles Dutch, from which it originally evolved, and has some elements of German to it.
        Take care

    • Ethel May Miller

      This is one of the things that bothers me too — why some believers inspire us by these amazing stories how God reveals Himself to them — and others of us faithfully following the only way we know how but do not have these exciting stories to tell. It makes us feel like we are not doing something we should be doing. I truly am sorry to hear about your “hermit” feelings — like you are alone in this world. Be assured that the Lord is with you in your alone place. Spend time in His Word and like my desire learn to delight in Him and His great love affair with me (you). This really all the Lord wants from us — our hearts and devotion. Looking at someone else’s experiences Makes us feel unwanted — which is a lie of
      the devil. Hang in there. He is your strength/ He has promised to never leave us or turn away from us. I love you, dear sister.

  2. Carol

    I want you to know that I believe I am saying yes to God by leaving this comment. I was drawn to read your blog because of the picture of crayons. I teach elementary school and your picture got my attention. I believe that sometimes we find encouragement just by knowing we are not the only ones struggling with or experiencing a situation. So I want you to know that my son is currently unemployed and has a hard time leaving the house. Your words remind me of him. But unlike him, I see that you are working hard to break free of this anxiety. And you are right, no one can hurt you really if God is with you and protecting you. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers today. Love, Carol

  3. I can relate to your struggles. I have been plagued with anxiety my whole life. It comes and goes and right now, it seems back again. I was hit by a car on my bike last year. The jobs I can apply for are very limited but we can’t survive on one salary. Disability is years away and I stay inside each day, also in my comfort zone. I cringe on the days I have to leave. I’m reading a book called “Calming the Storm Within” by Jim Lange. It might really help you too. I appreciate your honesty and love your prayer. I will pray for you when I say my similar prayer. thank you!

  4. Debbi Sander

    I do not always speak to others because I am not sure if it’s God’s message or my imperfect message that will come out. I do not want to mislead anyone. For example: I was certain after ready a comment on the Facebook party(that I was late for) that I read something that would speak to someone else and bless them. I pasted and copied to an email giving credit to the author. I was constructing my personal message to that person when it hit me…This was something brought up months ago that was painful for that person. If it was not on her mind today I did not want to bring up that pain for her. I will carry a copy with me to Bible study this fall and if it comes up again I will share. If I could clearly hear God’s voice I am certain I would obey! Good for you that you are persevering and putiing one foot in front of the other and making imperfect progress! I have prayed that you will feel his presence…wraped in His arms of love! You prayer is wonderful! Blessings to you!

  5. My dear sister Kelly,
    Even though I’ve never met you, you are my sister in Christ and your are dear because He created you. Thank you for sharing your struggles so openly. Thank you too for being willing to take the small steps you can. Remember Jeremiah 29:11 – God has good planned for you. I’m praying that He will reveal one step at a time and that you will continue to follow Him.

  6. Take your pray you wrote for the 30 day challenge and pray it every single day. Focus on God not the circumstances surrounding you, let them go, give them daily, hourly what ever it takes and watch God bring you out of your comfort zone when you trust Him with your life and your heart. God is awesome and is right there with you even when you can’t seem to sense it. He promises to never leave or forsake you.My prayer for you is to step out trust God, until you are willing to let go and trust you are limiting God’s action. Peace and blessings on your journey. Thanks for sharing from your heart, my friend. Remember when you reach out to God , He is reaching back to you.
    Marilyn (OBS Group Leader)

  7. Abby Nardi (FB Small Group 12 Leader)

    So often we expect God to talk to us with a loud voice like He did with Lysa, unfortunately that is the exception and not the norm. That little voice you hear in your head telling to try to go out? That is Him. The dreams you have of being out with people? That is Him… although with a bit of you putting yourself into a clear box. Sometimes all we hear is that little nagging feeling in the corners of our heart. Until we get used to listening to that small noise, we won’t be able to learn His voice. Only after listening to that nag (and obeying) for a while we begin to hear Him louder.
    Try going to a local church. Just a small step outside your comfort zone. You don’t have to talk to anyone. You can even be the quiet one in the back of the room that runs out before Amen is out of everyone’s mouth. 🙂 After a while it will get easier. It seems to me you are scared of something outside your “room”, but if you face it you may find that your “monster” isn’t really all that scary.
    And I would suggest you try to find a councilor to talk to. Trust me…. I only started going two weeks ago, and I was not the happiest person to be going. I told her flat out that I felt stupid being there because there were a lot of people worse than me in the world and who was I to whine. And I also told her I wasn’t sure it was even going to work but that I would give it a shot. Now two weeks later I can’t believe the small changes that are already happening for me. There are people out there who can help you and are trained to deal with your issue.
    Know that God DOES love you. He is trying to help you. But, He can’t do it for you. You have to be willing to step out and try. I know it is scary. I know there are probably a thousand “but…”‘s running through your mind. Trust God. He won’t steer you wrong.
    You are loved sweet sister. Your Father loves you more than you can imagine. He gave His only son to die for you. HE LOVES YOU. He is holding His hand out for you to put yours into and trust Him.
    I wish I was there with you to hold your hand and place it in His. I love you. Your sisters in Christ love you. And most importantly GOD loves you. ❤

    • Thank you for your comment. I actually go to church at this time. Problem is I am a nursery worker so I don’t always get to go into the church services. When I do I feel uncomfortable. Mainly because we are to wait 15 minutes after church starts in case we have late comers if we don’t have any kids with already. This hasn’t helped me in this area. Thank you again for your comment.

  8. Christina Steiner

    Beautifully written post. This has inspired me. So much. Thank you. God knows your heart and will bless you as you choose each day to say yes! Praying for you through your job search.

  9. Anita Greenland

    I am praying for you. I know God sees you in that clear box and wants to bring you out. Sister, I will be covering you in prayer these next 30 days, so that you will hear his voice and be encouraged to put one foot in front of the other as your trust and courage are strengthened.

  10. Liz Abbott (OBS Small Group Leader)

    Hello DEC25Kelly,

    Your blog touched my heart in such a powerful way. I wrote a blog very similar a while back. In it, I wrote…
    “Chains that bind…how do we break them? It is like His grasp is so very close, yet we are pulled back to our boundaries of the world and we just can’t hear Him, feel Him, REALLY know Him! Pursuit of Christ should NOT be during the breaks of life. Doing life should be breaks between the Pursuit of Christ.

    I am in a Bible study where Priscilla Shirer talks about how we place all of our perceptions, knowledge and experiences about God in a box. We then place a lid on that box and “compartmentalize Him.” It is our limitation. We live our lives based upon the three dimensional closed off view of Him. I don’t see it the same as Priscilla. I see God as EVERYTHING outside of the box and ME in the box. Bounded by walls, enclosed in the dark, tirelessly kicking at the walls to break them, with a glimpse of Him through the tattered cardboard over time as others are looking in on me. I WANT a box with no lid!”

    Please know that while the chains that bound me “Into myself” were not a loss of a job, bound up to invisibility is still a chain that holds you hostage. I am an OBS leader, but still digging out of the box and trusting God. I have a very real story and a very real testimony. You, my friend, CAN rely upon our community of women to support you and to speak life into your circumstance. All you have to do is recognize that when the Lord places a person in your life that seems random, it is a divine appointment with a point of grace wrapped in it and He wants you to take the offer.

    Please connect with me, as I would love to share my heart with you and to hear yours. God is speaking into me very strongly for you, as your “color” is not negative nor invisible; it is beautiful because the Heart of God is clearly showing in your blogs. Reach me at: L.Abbott.1985@sbcglobal.net.

    Here is what I hear from Him for you:
    Ephesians 3: 18-20
    “Oh, Lord. To grasp ho wide and long and high and deep is Your love for me. To know your love that surpasses all understanding in such a way that I may be filled to the measure of the fullness of God. The Lord is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that I could ever ask or think, according to the power of the Holy Spirit that works in me.”

    Lord, I pray over Kelly. That she may be filled up with the anointing of assurance and provision. The her filter to the world through you is not tainted by the enemy who places lies in our heads in first person. That he be bound up and your love pour over her to give her a clear vision to face the world. To be boldly significant because her robe of righteousness IS Yours. We love our sister Kelly and Lord, I am proclaiming that she will have relationships behind the digital walls that will allow your heart to pour into her so that she knows her value in your kingdom here on earth.

    Kelly…please reach out. “God has this” I promise. You are VISIBLE and BEAUTIFUL! You are loved.

    Warm Regards,
    Liz A.
    (OBS Small Group Leader)

    • Ethel May Miller

      Liz, I really love your response to Kelly and join you in praying for her. I hope she will contact you as you seem to really ‘KNOW’ just where she is. Bless you. I pray that you will have the opportunity to speak Scripture to her as someone did for me years ago. That dear sister was a lifeline to me and I believe that you can be a lifeline for KELLY.

  11. Dear one. I want you to know you are on my heart! Praying with you that God will reveal Himself to you like you have never seen. That you will see how amazing He is and how amazing you are as a princess, as His creation. You are a child of the King! Debbie W. (OBS Facebook Group Leader)

  12. Suzanne- OBS Facebook Small Group Leader

    Hi there! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I can relate to the dream you had and have had quite a few times in my life when I’ve felt unmotivated, overlooked, and like no one is there for me. It has been in those times where I’ve discovered the faithfulness of God and the blessing of people with sincere motives who truly demonstrate His kindness when I most need it.

    Let me assure you: GOD IS FOR YOU! 🙂 He has such a great plan for you and always gives you just what you need. I love the verses that say:

    “The Lord your God in your midst,
    The Mighty One, will save;
    He will rejoice over you with gladness,
    He will quiet you with His love,
    He will rejoice over you with singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17

    “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

    I am praying for you. May the peace of God, which passes all understanding, guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. 🙂

  13. Cindi

    Your post touched my heart too. Sometimes it seems like others are experiencing so much more of God than we are. Lysa’s stories are both amazing and encouraging but He does work differently with each of us. This morning I was reading our OBS book and the Lord reminded me of something that happened about 9 years ago and how the Lord intervened in a miraculous way to answer my prayer but perhaps more to encourage a woman who was raising a son in a very difficult part of Florida in a very rough school. She was concerned about his spiritual welfare. It is a long story of a very expensive found camera that a boy realized he couldn’t keep because it wasn’t his and how a mother’s heart was warmed by his desire to find the owner. Often we have to look again and we will see that the Lord is reaching out to us in ways that we missed the first time. Not all stories are mind-blowing. May the Lord encourage your heart as you look to Him. You are His child and He will provide what you need. Reach out to others and you will be blessed!

  14. FIRST OF ALL LET ME SAY THAT I JUST SAID PRAYER FOR YOU. GOD SEES YOU SWEET GIRL HE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW MANY HAIRS ARE ON YOUR HEAD. HE HAS CREATED YOU WITH A SPECIFIC PURPOSE THAT ONLY YOU CAN FILL! STAY IN HIS WORD AND LISTEN FOR HIS STILL SMALL VOICE. TAKE A WALK OUTSIDE JUST YOU AND HIM AND LISTEN FOR HIM. HIS WORD SAYS WHEN WE SEEK HIM WITH OUR WHOLE HEART WE WILL FIND HIM! HIS WORD ALSO SAYS THAT HIS PLANS ARE TO PROSPER US NOT TO HARM US AND TO OFFER US HOPE AND A FUTURE. READ AND PRAY THOSE PROMISES OVER YOURSELF! DO YOU KNOW THAT WE HAVE CAN APPROACH THE VERY THROWN ROOM OF GOD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU DIVINE POWER TO DEMOLISH ANY STRONGHOLD THAT SETS ITSELF UP AGAINST YOU? GOD BLESS YOU! INDEED, THE VERY HAIRS OF YOUR HEAD ARE ALL NUMBERED. DON’T BE AFRAID; YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN MANY SPARROWS

  15. I am sorry that my caps lock was on in my last comment. I didn’t realize it…..but I also wanted to post this video/song for you.

  16. Oh my I can totally relate as I was just thinking the other day how safe it is in the confines of my own room. No one can hurt me and I can just have my relationship with Christ and share on-line!! But, you already said it, God never intended for us to just exist in this world. He wants His children out playing and dancing on the floor He gave us and letting others see the joy He gives us every day, with every new day, and every breath that He gives us. Right now, you have purpose, right now, you have everything He offers, right now, you are loved more than you can ever conceive, and right now He’s speaking to you through your sisters and in a way that you could hear Him if you let go of the fact that you can’t!! Reflect on your life and see where He’s brought you from and even if you think you’re not where He wants you at this second, you are still learning and look, your blog post speaks to many women who can share in the experience of what you are going through. Maybe you could take this life lesson and apply it to a small group who have the same thing going on. What kind of groups does your church offer? God gave us everything we need…but He can’t do the walking for us, but He will give us the strength to walk.. Trust in Him and look for Him in the little things of this day, this moment, right this very second!! He’s there….ya know how I know? Because He promises and God never fails. Love you sister and don’t ever forger that you are His daughter, chosen, fully loved and fully blessed. Big hugs to you!!

    Trish 🙂

  17. Kelly,
    Sometimes it’s so hard to understand that each of us is here for a very specific purpose. Everyone we meet or come into contact with is somehow tied into our fulfilling our purpose. It’s difficult when we can’t see that purpose. Sometimes God is strengthening us for the future, sometimes he gives us time to heal from the past. I, too, understand what it is to just not know the reason for my life right here right now. Just know that we are where we are meant to be and at times are doing exactly what God wants from us even when our daily lives seem mundane and lacking in meaning. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you walk through this valley. Just know that you aren’t alone or forgotten.
    Hope
    OBS Small Group Leader

  18. Lori K (OBS Group Leader)

    Hi Kelly, as I was reading your blog I kept getting drawn back to these words, “unwillingness to get out of my comfort zone.” You got out of your comfort zone by writing what is on your heart and sharing it with 24,000+ women. I am joining you in the 30-day challenge, as I want those same things…for God to reveal Himself to me and to fill me with a desire for Him like never before. Love you, my sweet sister in Christ!

  19. Oh Sweet sister, I know this pain too!!!; I have been going thru a long time with un employment, and I am well able to do all the jobs I have applied for. I have applied til I seem to be blue in the face.
    Praying, prayed, seeking His voice, wanting answers.. etc etc..
    As one of our other sisters said so well, God’s voice is not audible most times. I have heard him speak to me once. in a very unique situation, of which I will save that long story for another time. But he does guide us.

    It is very alienating, isn’t it? Yet people just get on with their lives, and don’t stop to realize the help that is needed. A call. A tank of gas, a dinner.. all would be of encouragement.

    So very glad you did this study with us. God loves you. He does know every detail. Keep pressing into him with prayer, and make sure you read the Word, and put on praise music! He will answer you.. in the timing that is right, he is most likely shredding you of something, and building you up for a phenomenal job, better than you could have ever imagined!!!

    When I am unsure, I have asked for is confirmation. He may confirm thru a devotion, a song, something someone says in a conversation, it could be many different ways he will do that.. and it is always subtle. No neon lights ( at least most times it is not!!!) Do not be dismayed!

    I hold loosely, what is it you want me to do, or not do;
    (I am a photographer by trade, and had this idea over and over and over to create a book to encourage women. ….. it took me about – oh, six weeks or so, before I “GOT” it. I am a seasoned Christian. I know when he directs. I finally sat down and started playing around with my photos and scripture which led to a website, and I am still in the baby stages, not bringing a bunch of money in…. YET, but I am learning while I create.
    What gifts has he given you ? Cooking? Cleaning? Baby sitting? Care for the elderly? — get creative with the gifts he has given you! There may be a hidden talent that you could start bringing in money while you apply for other jobs…. He hears you and never allows things to happen that are not helpful to us. IN the test, you will have a testimony. In your mess, there is a message – to help someone else!
    Be encouraged!!!! He knows the plans for your life to build you up and not harm you.. keep saying His promises over yourself.. You are so worthy of His love and grace.
    ~~ Blessings~~~~ ♥ to you!!!!! please email me if you need prayer or want to talk, or vent!!! (email should show up on your blog)

  20. Missy Davis

    Kelly-I know the feeling of being trapped in the box….I will have you in my prayers as we are all on this 30-day challenge of seeking God and saying “Yes” everyday.

  21. Veronica Brown (OBS Team Leader)

    Your blog has touched my heart. I understand what you are saying and I think it is just so awesome that you are with us in this study where you can grow and make a change where you desire change. I am so excited that you acknowledge this because that means it WILL come. A change can never happen unless we first acknowledge that one needs to occur. You have a beautiful spirit!

  22. Michelle Romero

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart, you have a gift of communicating through words….I wish I had! We all struggle with things and need encouragement, I know I do but God is right there with you my sweet sister! He loves you and wants you to step out in faith, put your trust and focus solely on Him. You can do this because He has given you the ability to do so! Maybe it would help if you could find a Godly friend or counselor to talk things over with. Praying for you girl, I know God is drawing you near to Him because of the prayer you wrote out. Trust Him, stay in His word and girl you’ve got this!!! Take each day as a gift from Him and He will do amazing things with you, through you and for you!
    I’m with you in this challenge, we are aiming for the same goal….we want joy and more of Jesus:)
    (((Big hugs))))

  23. Oh, sweet friend… I am praying for you. So often I have felt invisible, worthless… but I am not, and you are not, either. I’m reading in Ephesians, and the verse that has stuck out to me this week is Ephesians 2:10. We are His masterpiece (creation, workmanship), created for His works… those works He has created for us before the foundation of the world. He has a plan for you, sweet sister, and wants to draw you close to Him. praying for you!
    Lauren, P31 OBSM Small Group Leader

  24. Kelly, I too have a song for you.. pray, by sactus real. If you only knew how I feel your pain. I was in my home most of the time for almost 2, yes. 2 years . trapped, afraid an paralyzed. Lies from the enemy plagued me, I didn’t even go to church, all the anxiety brought on depression… excuse me.. this is emotional for me.. I barely bathed, or anything. but as long as life did not require me to leave the house, I thought I would just stay there at my kitchen table, in Gods word, but alone, on the phone, and when someone came to see me. I finally got so tired of it. I MADE myself go to the grocery store alone, I WAS PETRIFIED to say the least. so I know about that glass box. and I am here for you. You see, during that time is when I realized He let me endure this for a reason, to help others as you will do if you listen and say yes, I read and reread 2 Corinthians 1 over and over again.. it became my peace., knowing that He allowed this horrible part of my life, I still have panic., but when it comes I know He is there,, and I know He will do the same for you my sweet sister in Christ .. I don’t think this happen by mistake, I fully believe this is Him, telling you, you are not alone, so many are suffering and I am determined to use my circumstances to serve Him.. I hope you will do the same.. are you ready to say yes.. love you and I am praying for you.. my phone number is 6017579176 just in case you ever need to talk., I feel it in my heart that this is God ordained us meeting.. don’t know why .. but im trusting it.. im always available unless im at work and before about 830 pm… before 7..pm.. before and after im always available .. if I don’t answer,, text and I will respond.. love u and I am praying that soon, your glass box will dissolve and you will be free. Much love and blessings…

  25. Thank you for stopping by my blog today and liking my post! i found that so encouraging!! I am feeling burdened for you as I read this and wondering how you are doing now! I have been a Christian for many years and struggled with doubt and depression for 16 of those years. In the past 12 years I have been learning the sweet surrender to Jesus. I have experienced amazing things with God, I have experienced what seemed to be silence, I have walked a journey of hardship as if through a wilderness, fire, valleys and overpowering waves. Through these last years of hardship, I have been battling anxiety and I too need a job, am wondering what could I ever possibly do and would rather hide in my house! I share this because God loves you very much. Keep clinging to Him, and seeking Him. He promises in His word that when you draw close to Him, He will draw close to you (James 4:8)! Never give up for God is with you, closer than the air around you. Sometimes He is speaking but we need to learn what that sounds like. There are so many ways that He speaks to us, be open and aware, He speaks to you through His Word (the Bible), He can speak to you through people commenting on your blog, through a book that you read, in nature, in a worship song, at Church, through an individual, a whisper in your heart, a nudge or feeling of this is the right way to go or an impression that you should do something, the list is long. Always though, what God is speaking to you, should line up with His Word (the Bible). So dig deep into the Bible and read and study it. Perhaps Joyce Meyer’s book “How to Hear from God” would be useful. And perhaps I am way off and this is not an issue for you at all. If so forgive me as I have your best interest on my heart. May God bless you and be ever close to you!!

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