Monthly Archives: September 2013

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I had a dream once that I was at a get together with several people.  Some I knew others I didn’t know.  I somehow become a prisoner within a clear box.  I could still see everything that was going on around me but I couldn’t leave the place where I stood. Most people didn’t notice me standing there.  Some seemed to look in my direction from time to time but never really budged to come see me or help  me out of this box.  Its as if they didn’t see the box I was in or maybe just didn’t see me. I spent alot of time trying to come up with a way to escape this box but nothing I did would release me.  I screamed for help but no one heard my screams or came to help me out of the box.  I just didn’t know what I was going to do and what had caused me to get in this box.  I finally realized the reason I was in the box was because I had placed myself there through my own anxiety and inability and unwillingness to get out of my comfort zone.

I often feel like this. I can see my future. I am that crazy cat lady who lives in the superb that all the kids fear.  The crazy cat lady who has no cats. I currently am looking for employment and cannot find any jobs.  Each day I search for jobs but there isn’t much out there.  I do believe I have applied to all that I have seen.  I feel myself getting more and more anxious each and every single day. I get out less and less.  It is getting to where I feel anxious when I am out of my little room in my apartment.  I am anxious at the thought of leaving this room.  I know that with each passing day I am becoming a hermit.  This is my fear most days.  I know this isn’t in Gods plans for me but I don’t know his plans and I feel stuck waiting on hearing him each day.

Currently I am doing an online bible study with Proverbs 31.  We are studying the bible while reading through Lysa Terkeursts “What Happens When Women Say Yes To God”.  Actually this is the final week.  One thing that stuck out to me was the story about Genia.  She talks about how this sister in Christ told her about a how she was going through a tough spot in her life.  Through Genia telling this story Lysa was reminded of a song on a CD she had been listening to and she let Genia listen to the song.  God then placed on Lysa’s heart that she should give this CD to Genia.  Prior to this Genia was approached by a woman she didn’t even know who wanted to pray for her and told her God would give her a song.  Why is it none of this has ever happened to me.  I would love for God to speak to me and for others to tell me that I am on his heart like these women showed Genia.

Another story she tells is about a couple named Dane and Kema.  They were living the American Dream only to have God tell them to give more to God.  They are planning on building a home and then God directs them to give the money for the home to the church. Later God leads them into a mission trip for four years to Papua New Guinea.  They had their hearts set on fire for Gods work and they followed him with no shame.  I want that for my life.  Really Lysa’s entire book especially Chapter 8 follow the Early Christians principals.  If you read Acts 4:32-35 you see this exhibited.  “All the believers were one in heart and mind.  No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own but they shared everything they had.  With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus.  And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them.  For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles feet and it was distributed to anyone who had need.   I read this while doing a daily bible study on a bible app I have called Faithlife. It is a study bible app.  It has many things I like including the daily bible studies.  This one was from September 4 of this year entitled Utopian Truth for Today.  This passage truly encompasses Chapter 8 of Lysa’s book.  Chapter 8 is as you know entitled “Giving Up What Was Never Ours”.  Isn’t that how the passage describes the early Christians?  It said that “None of them claimed their possessions as their own but shared everything”.  If you go back earlier in the book all the way back to Chapter 2 with the five questions Lysa gives to show we are in fact hearing from God.  We are called to say Yes to God.

Does what I’m hearing line up with Scripture? Of course Acts 4:32-34 shows this.

Is it Consistent with God’s Character?  Yes his own son didn’t even view his own life as his own.  Instead he gave his life to fulfill Gods plan.

Is it being confirmed through messages I’m hearing at church or hearing through my quiet time?  Well in my case yes Both through studying this book as well as a separate study I have been doing.

Is it beyond me?  Yes and No.  It is beyond what I am comfortable with and yet it is not what I can do with God walking with me.

Would it please God?  Well  if it didn’t would he have asked me to do so in the first place.

Now I haven’t heard God tell me to give up all my possessions or any of my possessions as this time.  I haven’t yet heard him tell me to do something directly  as he did with Lysa with the CD or the Bible.  But he is leading me to get further into his word and to trust him in with all that is going on in my life at this time.  So for now that is what I am saying yes to God.

Both Lysa and Melissa gave us a 30 day challenge us to  pray and ask God to reveal Himself to us and fill us with a desire for Him like never before.  I want to live a Radically Obedient life yet I feel as if the most radical thing I would ever do is just exist in this world.  So I will take on this challenge.  Here is my prayer.

Lord, Please show me you are there.  Show me your love for me each day.  I want to know you and feel your presence.  I want to hear that still small voice talking to me, guiding me in your ways.  I want to be a Radical follower of you.  I want to be a fisher of men.  You know my heart and you see my pain and you know where you want me Lord.  Help me to see your will for me.  Fill me with a desire that is undeniable.  A desire to spread your word and do good in the world for you.  Give me the strength and courage to leave my walls before the close in on me.  Before they hold me hostage. Help me to get out of my comfort zone and to be in the world while not being of the world.  My comfort zone is being in my own home in my own room.  Not even out in the outer rooms of this apartment.  No one is going to hurt me because you are my protection. I want to walk with you each day.  I want it to be as if you and I are in the same place walking and talking just as you did with the disciples.  I love you Lord and I know you love me show me why I haven’t had a close relationship with you and help me to return to you, get in your word and speak with you often.

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