This last Sunday, I was in the nursery talking with a couple of the ladies who work that with me. One of the ladies mother has been having a difficult time. She recently lost her job. Due to a manipulative action of a co-worker of hers. This woman has been making my friends mother’s work environment a nightmare. She makes people think this woman is lazy and incompetent. Even though my friends mother gets their early and stays late often doing duties that were not assigned to her. She wasn’t given credit. One day about a month ago this woman decided to accuse her of destroying important documents. She has no real proof. She never even looked at what was shredded. Anyway, my friends mother has decided to file a grievance with her employer about her dismissal. She really doesn’t want to get the job back but she wants to clear her name. She doesn’t want this to haunt her during her job search. Well she filed the proper paper work. A week later that changed the paper work and called her and told her she didn’t fill out the work properly. It really shouldn’t matter what changes were made because she turned in the paper work prior to the changes. They are just trying to make things difficult. Anyway, This irritated me to no end. I started contemplating how I would seek revenge or even come in and save the day. I wanted to go to those people and admonish them in the way they were treating this dear lady. I wanted them to tell me why she should ever think they can treat someone so horribly. I wanted to be her martyr. Yep. That was it. I wanted to be a martyr. That would by definition of sorts make me a hero. At least that is how we Christians think of Martyrs. In some ways rightly so.
During this week I have been reading a book called Let it Go, by Karen Ehmen. In Chapter One she discusses problems with wanting to be in control. She has four types of controlling people. Soft Spoken controller; Enabling Controller; Martyr Controller; and People Pleaser Controller. Each of these people use some tactics to control even manipulate situations and people into getting her own way. Mine is being a Martyr.
Martyr: 1. A person who voluntarily suffers death as a penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion. 2. a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle. 3. victim, especially: a great or constant sufferer.
We glorify Martyrs today. While this situation would not require my death. It would require sacrifice. If I had done as I felt I doubt I would have fixed anything. I have noticed I do this often. When my sisters have lost jobs or been hurt in an unfair manner I have often wanted to come to their defense. Sometimes I have in the way of cowardly calling the person whom hurt them and giving them a piece of my mind. In as non-christian of a manner as I could ever get.
I want to play the Martyr because I feel this will somehow make me indispensable. I cannot be replaced. If people see me as a super hero of sorts then they would see things my way and I would be able to get my own way. The one thing I hope to get out of this is to know when my help is really needed and to only offer that help after I have consulted with God. I want to let him be the leader and myself to simply be the instrument to fulfill his purpose.